In essence, their self-limiting beliefs or critical inner voices interfere with their natural social abilities. They start to feel very anxious or fear failure. However, when “social pressure” is introduced to social skills tests, lonely people often begin to choke. In fact, new research shows that lonely people have perfectly adequate social skills and even out perform non-lonely individuals when it comes to reading social cues. This inner critic feeds into our feelings of isolation, encouraging us to avoid others and remain in a lonely state.Īlthough our critical inner voices may tell us otherwise, in reality, there is nothing inherently wrong with us that leads us to be lonely. It is a common misconception that people are lonely because they have poor social skills.
These thought patterns make up the “ critical inner voice (CIV),” an internalized enemy that leads to self-destructive thought processes and behaviors. An isolated space is the perfect breeding ground for negative, self-critical thoughts. Left alone with our thoughts, we become our own worst enemy. The more alone we feel, the more we start to have thoughts of not belonging or of feeling rejected by others. When we feel lonely, we often tend to beat ourselves up and think that something is just wrong with us. The path of isolation leads to loneliness, despair, and even depression. When we find ourselves becoming isolated, we should take that as a warning sign that we may turning against ourselves in some basic way. According to Cacioppo, “The percentage of Americans who responded that they regularly or frequently felt lonely was between 11% and 20% in the 1970s and 1980s… The American Association of Retired Persons(AARP) did a nationally representative study in 2010 and found it was closer to 40% to 45%.” However, modern life, with all of its conveniences, has led to a sharp increase in isolation. Put simply, “Humans don’t do well if they’re alone.” In fact, according to neuroscientist John Cacioppo, who has made a career out of studying loneliness, “The absence of social connection triggers the same, primal alarm bells as hunger, thirst and physical pain.” As a tribal species, our brains adapted to rely on social connections as a means to survive. It is natural for us to feel alone or lonely when we are isolated from others. Human beings are instinctively social animals. Defenses, Isolation and Loneliness, Relationships, Self Development
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